the beginning of an end...

has it been a week yet? no... baru 2 hari la..... 2 days ago was the final show of Kaki Blue the Musical in KLPac and i'm already missing all the full night rehearsals and performance. again, a new enviroment with another batch of new casts for me to minggle with. as asual, they are so talented in their own way. each and everyone of them has their own unique talent that i find it amazing. it's surprising to see alot of talents out there nowadays and all they really needed was a chance to prove to the world that they can do it too.

it was like yesterday i got an email from the producer saying "sorry to inform you that we have no part for you in this musical, hope to have you in our future productions" but then 2 days before the rehearsal i got an sms from her again saying "would you like to be in the cast of Kaki Blue the Musical?"(apa masalah dia pun tak tahu lah..), so ODVIOUSLY i said yes.. tak kan nak reject kot!

new casts, old casts are there in the cast so i don't feel like an outcast (wow)... the people that i know but never work with was there too...so you can see how amazing a production can be that we can get along very well.....

in these 14 weeks that we've been together, almost everynight nak tak nak kena gak tempoh muka semua orang, but i had fun, lots of fun.. got to learn new things everyday. the gatherings was awesome, alot of nitendo wii and watching youtube in that huge big screen that made me high. playing a psyco villian was great, got people actually boo-ed me meaning i did a great job la kot.

i always asked most people that i know who came to the show on what they think about the show but most of the answer would always be "hey, you got a good voice" or "that was you? omg!what a trasformation" (-_-)''' (apa malasah ko ni?pakai tudung pun transformation ke?) or "i love the second half better because of the song" or "1st half very funny..i loved it" or even better "it was great!"
and of course i also got some really honest answers.... i appriciate it dearly. honesty is STILL what makes me drown to. i love people who can give straight answer sebab i would just tell them how i feel about it as well....kan best dapat tukar pandangan...

not to forget that one night where we have to stay on stage after our performance because the the Deputy Minister of Defence wanna give a speech but ended up shaking everyone's hand while all of the audience had that awkward should-i-leave-now face.. jangan risau ah..we on stage pun feel the same way!

as usual, having post-production blues is horrible but once i'm done, i gotta start doing what i want to do for a long time... opening my own food bank. still thinking of how and where to start but shall get to it soon!

to all the Kaki Blue casts, technical and production team, thank you so much for the wonderful spirit that was shared during our times together and the vibe that keep us going. keep it alive people!

~sing for your supper~

the encounter...

hand tingling,

face blushing,

head reeling,

heart beating,

pulse rushing,

that's what i feel when i see u.

end.

in another life time....

i came across my super old lyric i wrote (but i can't remember how the melody goes...tsk tsk...).... back when i was young and full of love to this certain someone special whom i thought was the only thing that kept me alive.... but eventually it came to an end and suprisingly im still alive and doing fine... of coz, he'll remain in my memory forever....being bestfriend with someone you love is hard.... i'm more grateful with what i have now and so far, i don't have any regret on what i've done....RIP my friend.....

anyway, i thought of sharing what i've wrote a long time ago....just for the sake of remembering the melody of how the song goes...if i can't remember, i shall just make a new melody! =D

the day when you were mine

nothing else was really matter

everything to me was fine

when we could both have each other

in all the things

i could have seen

i imagine a place

where we could have been

if we could be together

for a hundred years

then atleast i know

that you're still be here

in another life time

it would be forever

i know by then

that we can be together

when i wake up

you will still be here

and you'll be there

to shelter my fears

i could hold on forever

just to see your eyes

i would take aother chance

to see you smile

in a memory

for all the things that we had

and the first time

when our eyes met..

in another world

that we could live together

our heart would beat

and we are so much closer

i know our life is matter

in another life

we can live together

in a place with no lies

but right now

i have to stay strong and true

there are lots of memories

to think of you

i know one day we will meet again

at a place and time

and you'll be standing there

waiting for me

in another life....

by, Shahila Johan

cheers

Shahila Johan http://www.shahila-johan.blogspot.com/

<3

its so hard, to let it go...

i've been a fool but now i know...

don't be afraid, just trust yourself...

one day you'll realize it's always been there...

let's run away, just for awhile...

to clear the mind, i would walk for miles....

just close your eyes, listen to the sound...

just hear the heart beats that's beating inside...

look in my eyes, what do you see?

cause that's what means the most to me...

touch my soul, don't let it go...

i want the feeling i know i can hold....

believe in love, cause it can heal...

the pain inside when your heart reels..

give me your love, and i'll give you mine..

because together i know our love will bind...

show me love, show me the sign...
so i can keep your heart in mine...

let's show to world, that love won't die...

love's the one thing that keep us alive...

the sun will rise and it will shine

the cloud will be clear and it'll be bright

let's share the joy and give what you can

for all of this will last forever in our heart

it'll remain there for internity

lit a candle, it'll bright the dark....

so you won't be lost and find your way..

with the strenght, it'll keep you strong...

your faith will lead you to where you belong....

by, Shahila Johan

cheers

Shahila Johan http://www.shahila-johan.blogspot.com/

<3

the sign....

i know tears will fall down from your face

when there's something you can't replace

when you have that hope that goes to waste

but you will learn from that mistakes

you can feel the rush that chills your bones

the bones that are sinking like stones

when you know something you cannot own

trying hard just to find that sacred stone

forget the heart ache or the heavy heart

there are laughter you just have to play a part

nothing in the world could be that hard

nothing in the world you can easily tear apart

most of us are always scared

we can be tired and unprepared

that everything could just shattered

when it is the most mattered

remember that life is for living

everything is not lost so just sing!

just fly away with those wings

just let out all of those wonderful feelings

where do we go to draw the line

your guess is as good as mine

i know somehow that we will find

God put a smile where there's a sign

cheers

Shahila Johan http://www.shahila-johan.blogspot.com/

<3

Keep searching...

i know what i'm looking for

say the words i've never said before

i wanna break away from this chain

coz i don't wanna feel this way again

it's like an endless road

where the searching never end

it's like a river flow

to where i don't know

i keep searching for the answers

the thought of having happiness

i'll be counting all the miles

until finally.....i see u smile.....

cheers

Shahila Johan www.shahila-johan@yahoo.com

<3

can love heal?

tears are words that heart cannot express

but every tears that flows is always a bless

love comes and heals the wounded heart

it will guide you to what lies ahead

i've been there, had my heart broken

the memories that i thought had made me fallen

it heals but it doesn't seem like it

because right now, love is all i need

every song in the radio brings me back home

i know coz that's where i come from

why does saying goodbye hurt so much?

maybe it's because i love you that much.

i just wanna live and learn

everything that i light and i can burn

coz i know that love will heal
when there's nothing else that you can feel

love heals when it's too much to bare

like when you reach out but nothing's there

love can carry you home

love will lead you home

there is an end to the storm

a place that can keep your heart warm

hope is power, love will heal

for a love that heal

we are all star dust that shine on

we've been like this since we were born

love is all we need to heal

for love's the only thing that seals

for those who shield their heart

and for those who quit before they start

love heals when the pain is there

when there's no one for you to care

life will go on..you will smile again

WE will smile again!

by, Shahila Johan

cheers

Shahila Johan www.shahila-johan.blogspot.com

<3