Saturday, May 30, 2009

secret (hush!)


the first time our eyes meet, my heart started pounding
the blood from my body started rushing
i'm not aware of my surrounding
everything around me started fading

my friend came to me and introduced you to me
i know you're something speacial when you spoke my name
i kept cool and shake your hand
i tried to be normal but i just can't

so we talked across the table
with a glance and maybe a smile
i feel like i've known you from another life
i can feel the connection when you looked into my eyes

but...

someone like you probably have someone loving you
and in my heart i know...
you got someone in your heart too....

by, Shahila Johan

cheers


<3

Thursday, May 28, 2009

we had that....moment...


this is dedicated to the person i love with all my heart.

my Rieffy bear... you were my longest friend that i knew and because of that you became my BEST friend...and because of that, we have sworn never like each other at all, but guess what..i fell for you... and i still do. i've been trying to cope with everything without you but i can't seem to do it anymore. i wear a mask everytime i'm infront of everyone. i laughed with them, i wanna share all the good time i had with you, but i can't now. rest in Peace my brother. the one that i'll always love.....

you always pull my hair just to pick a fight with me
broke my favourite cd and made me cry
said i can never be a somebody everytime we argue
you're always the voice that say i'll never make it
you were so vein it makes me sick

and yet....

you called me your angel that was sent down from heaven
you held my hand each night just to comfort me
hold me close to your arms that i can hear your heart beats
gave me the strenght that i thought i could never have
telling me to live out my dreams for the best
i learned from you that i could not crumble
i guess what i'm trying to say is..

thanks for everything you've done
it's been so long since you're gone
i never wanted you to leave
i still need you here with me
i've been thinking about the past
and i can't believe that time's flying too fast

you know how i feel when i'm crying alone
you know where to find all my hiding places
i can never keep my secrets away from you
you tought me to stand on my own
you said that i was the diamond in the rough

i miss you, every night i'm thinking of you
the smile on your face that keep me alive
i still shed my tears once in a while
i feel empty and alone, i can't believe you're gone
you're always part of me, the one that sets me free

i know you're in a better place now
but i can still feel you through the wind
when it touches my face it feels like your hand
and you still guide me constantly
the memories come back and i don't mind

i know you are happy where you are now
even though it's not here with me....

by, Shahila Johan

cheers
Shahila Johan www.shahila-johan.blogspot.com
<3

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

i should be writing on.....

everyone has their moment in time where they want it to be remembered forever. i know i have alot personal moment that i would love to write about, the pain i felt, the happiness that was shared, the love that i had. you know what...i wanna write about....

how you feel when the last massage you got from your best friend, before he pass away.

how to be the last person to say goodbye to someone who's already gone.

how you can only think of him and no one else.

how you wish you could turn back time and save the person you love.

how a special someone hugged you so tight you wished he wouldn't let go.

how you caught someone cheating on you after 5 years of relationship.

how letting go of someone you love can be so hard.

how love can be something wonderful.

how you've been wanting that certain someone so bad but you can't because they're happier the way it is.

how a moment of silent can make you realise the truth on something importants that's been missing in your life.

how secretly you have a crush on someone and hoping that he'll be yours.

how some feeling you get when your friend suddenly distant themselves from you.

how some feelings make you wanna just run away but you can't.

how you realise that there's a reason to go on living when times gets hard.

how you smile infront of everyone although you're hurting inside.

how we wish everything would be perfect.

how you have to distant yourselves from someone you would want to love because you don't wanna hurt them.

how life should just go on after a painful event happened that changed your life completely.

how you're hoping to work it out and you know that you can, but you need a hand.

how you promise to make a vow on making yourselves better for the future.

how a new born make you apreciate more on life.

these are the things that i wanna write about....i don't wanna write about how depressed i feel after alot of incident happened in my life. i want to write about the moment that happened in my life that maybe you guys can relate to.
this is LIFE.....

cheers
Shahila Johan
<3

where has the music gone?

this is so random but i MISS being in a band, where i got the opportunity to write new music, those lyrics that i usually write right after an incident that happened either it's good or bad. in ASK where i got the chance to express myself through music and not letting people push me around al though i must say some did give me the urge to be better coz they are so much more talented than i am.

majored in classical vocal was the hardest thing i've ever done in my entire life... not that i'm complaining or anything, i loved it. i actually learned so much more ways of singing than those normal pop singers do. i can sing with my head-voice so much easier now. i also managed to belt out some of the songs that i can never do before this.. :D

playing double-bass is the coolest thing i've ever did as well coz a)not many people i know actually play double-bass, for them is soo uncool coz it's not hip! b)got to learn the classical and traditional way of playing it in ASK and c) the only instrument that made me looked smaller coz i was quite big when i was younger.. :P i haven't touched a double bass for 3 years now...i wonder if i can still remember how to play that remarkable instrument...

piano, the least favourite instrument that was forced to learn when i was in ASK as my second instrument because i took voice as my 1st instrument. of coz, i make full use of that learning bit to actually create a silly song which as not a big success since i forgot all the keys and cords.. :P although it's my least favourite instrument right now, but i think i'm gonna start learning it by myself again soon so i can write better music after this. ;)

gamelan, being one of the compulsary subject in ASK made me learn all 8 instruments that's in gamelan which are the bonang, gambang, gendang, kenong, saron pekin, sarong baron, sarong demong and of coz, the ever so famous.....GONG! my favourite in gamelan is the gendang and gong! i can play it everyday!

wayang kulit... no, not the play..but the music behind it, again, one of the compulsary subject in ASK, i play the canang and gedombak most of the time but i also now a little bit on playing the kesi, geduk and GONG! :P the music is all about the rythm and we have to be consistent on playing it. i had fun performing infront of alot of people during our exam.

keroncong, i play the double bass and was forced to sing a keroncong song.. i almost cried when they ask me to sing a traditional song. it was so hard but in the end i still got to play my favourite instrument, the double bass of coz. but through keroncong, i also got the chance to learn how to play the cak, cuk and abit of the chello... although i was so bad in chello, but atleast i made a tune. :P

ghazal,the only course that i don't have the chance to learn to play any of the instrument. was abit disappointed coz i really wanna learn atleast an instrument but in the end, they want me to sing a ghazal song instead. and again, i cried la, i dunno how to sing a traditional song, but i did it anyway.

cak lempong, i still remember the 1st time i played it. it was so freaking awesome. i dunno i can manage to play it. it's a traditional hand percussion but it's like STOMP..so cool!i still have the cak lempong stick, something like a drum stick but it's not. :P

so, those are the things that i know how to play, music is awesome, i wish i can just play all day, but come back to reality, i need to work hard do get to what i can achive. i really wish i can make music as my career but i don't think i'm up to that peer yet. there are more talented people out there that need to be discovered and i wish them all the best.

SHOOT! i think i just had this brilliant plan!!! can be my next project!dunno it will work or not but i think i can pull it off!!! gonna talk to a few people who's good in rythm!!! ahhhhh~ can't wait!!!

cheers
Shahila Johan www.shahila-johan.blogspot.com
<3

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

it's a wrap!!!!


another amazing journey came to an end last week.... i've been with them since January... getting tanned because i have to stay under the sun alot.... :D i used to complain about it alot but now, i miss everything about it...from travelling so far every single day to eating too much to waiting too long..... i have to say.. Shooting a drama can be tiring, irritating, sometimes disappointing but overal.......i love the everything about it.... everyone is so nice to me....the actors are humble and modest.... shooting with Asia Media Center (AMC) has been a great experience for me... i won't trade it for anything else... :D

when i joined them the 1st time..i was really scared that the director's gonna be my worst nightmare..the one that would scream and shout at you all the time and all, but for this production, we changed our director 3 times and all 3 of them are so wonderful to work with. nothing like any other productions at i've worked with before.... neither stage production nor tv production... this might be my best production i've worked with, even the technicians are awesome and helpful. they have indeed teach me alot to be more aware of my surrounding and tabloids.....

my 1st scene with them was in UPM in Serdang....it was so freaking far from where i live but i got through it anyway....sun burnt because of shooting under the sun....thank good-ness none of my scene is being re-shoot at all....meaning the producer liked it..yay!

it's has been a wonderful experience for me being in a supporting role....this is the biggest one ever coz im in for the whole 26 episodes in the drama... i heard that this drama is going to be aired in September in Astro Prima, so let's get our fingers crossed it'll be great!

hahhaaaa~ i didn't mention waht's the title yet huh? it's called Katrina&Kamelia....
cheers
<3

Monday, May 4, 2009

the end of another special memory....

after 2 and a half months of intensive dancing, singing and acting rehearsal.....the show that i'm drowned to has finally came to an end yesterday... Prom the Musical has really push me to the limit where i know how much i can do in this performing art industry!

it was indeed a special performance for me because i got to know all these talented young new talents who is just waiting to be discovered. every single one of them are so special because they are unique in their own way. they may not be the best singer, dancer or actor but all of them came together and put on a great 6 shows in Pentas 2 in Klpac last week.

meeting them for the 1st time during the 1st rehearsal was fun because most of them are still fresh and you can see that they have the urge to learn new steps. some of them come and go, but most of them who stayed on for this production really did enjoyed themselve... some of them found their new friendship bond from this production and for some, it's their second family!

i indeed had a great time performing with them, i love everyone of them individually. this is the 1st time i got to sing and DANCE alot in a production....i usually sing more than dance but for this one, i surprised myself with all those crazy dancing steps and i managed to make it work!!! :D

it was a great experience working with the production team as well......everyone of us are very much intimate with one another.... we might had a rough time sometimes but in the end everything indeed worked out fine!

being a villian was fun...although it's a tough character but i hope i managed to convinced people that i can be bad too!!! :P

of coz, in many productions before, i just had to be the 1st to start the tears flowing session only this time during my last solo.....hahahaaaa~ it's funny coz because my song, there was a funny bit happened but i can't resist the urge to cry anymore so i cracked my voice during the last song!

to the casts, crews and the audiences.....thank you so much for making Prom the Musical a success because without you, there won't be us, there won't be Prom the Musical and i might never get the change to be the Prom Queen!!! :P

thanks for the memories and the beautiful spirit that everyone shared during our time together!!! hope to see you guys again really soon!!!

cheers

Shahila Johan www.shahila-johan.blogspot.com

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