what happen when two of ur closes friends doesn't agree with each other? who do u choose to side with? the one u know earlier or someone who u think u know better? when this happen and u do have to choose one of them, it makes ur life hard and finally both of them won't talk to u and all... it freaks me out when that happen coz whatever u do, u still need them in ur life right?
not matter how bad the situation is, u would still want to tbe the person that make peace for them and be a team again. it's hard isn't it?to think that they are not grown up and think wisely on what actions they've made. i'm not saying that they are grown up or anything..i mean, i'm still growing up and make alot of mistake myself, but all i think is that..... what i meant to say is that instead of fighting, can't we just talk it over? i know there will be some arguement and all but in the end, u'll eventually hug each other and just forgive each other. i know it's easy to forgive rather than forgetting but when time passes by, u'll forget it anyway. somehow, i got that alot...
to think that i can be a peace maker is not really an option coz both will come running to u when they needed someone and u'll try to make the best out of urself and be a friend to them and hope that one day they'll do the same thing for u.....well i hope that they can still remember it..hehehee~
i've learned not to hate, because i used to hate everything and i've forgotten the most important thing in life...which is....LOVE! so people, just love, and u will be loved. i love that feeling of being loved, it might be hard to find at first, but onceu got it, u'll never wanna let go of that feeling. so be nice to everyone, that includes those who's not really that close to u. because to me, it's easier to be nice rather than thinking of ways to destroy some other people's life...
:P
anyways...i can't really think straight right now coz it's 2.10am and i got some stuff bothering me...to think about my future and past mistakes.....i don't wanna make the same mistake all over again...i did it twice, just hope that the 3rd one's a charm....i hope...i would wait forever to this moment and don't wanna rush things.....im scared but i know i have to face it.. :)
so.........untill next time.......
friends are forever.....
like my friend once said a friend is like the needle of a clock, though we are at the same clock, we are not able to meet, and even if we meet, it'll only be a few second...but somehow,we always stay connected.
GOD is always playing chess with each of us. He make moves in our life and then just sit back to see how we react to the challenges. SO MAKE THE BEST MOVE!
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
to papa with love....
today, as soon as i woke up from my sleep, i had a devastating phone call from my step-mom saying that my dad was admitted in Klang hospital for dengue fever and that he's platelette is as really low... it's only 20..normal people like us, our platelette is the average of 120-200.. so to know that my dad, the only 'man-of-the-house', hero, 'strongest daddy in the world' and family supporter is sick, i break down and cry. i seriously cried my eyes out. not because that i'm having a bad feelings or anything, i just broke down and cried because the man that i know immortal is.....mortal after all...
my dad has always been the hero in my heart, i don't think anyone else can be the hero that he is to me because he's always there, not only for me, but for all of his daughters, no matter how bad the damage is, he's always there to help us pull through. he is the hero of my heart because, i don't think anyone can manage to raise 6 wonderful girls in one house right? he did it without a doubt is he is the man of steel! he raise us to be strong, firm and at the same time gentle to one another.
visited him for awhile during visiting hour, he looked so pale and weak, i makes me wanna cry, but i can't show it infront of him. i have to be strong. before i leave, we shook hands, and then for the 1st time ever, right after i kissed his hand and his cheek, he kissed my cheek back and i feel.... WOW! for the 1st time that i know....he's not the person that would do that but he did it...to me.... i cried....in the car..
:P
when i think about him being in the hospital alone, i just feel like crying again because i just don't like the fact that he's there at all... he's suppose to be the one that worries about he's daughters and do everything he can to cheer us up but now that he's there alone, it makes me scared, for him.... i imagine alot of possible things that might happen in the hospital while he's there but i try not to, i mean, i wanna be there to take care of him, i don't want the nurse to take care of him, that's my job!!!!NOT URS!!! :'(
well, right now, in the house, i have to fully take in charge of every situation because i'm the oldest since my eldest moved out 2 weeks ago and i'm responssible for any damaged caused by any one of my sisters or anything happen to my sisters. i hope i can do it, i know i can, i just need a little bit of guidence.
to papa, get well soon, i'll visit u everyday until u're back at home, i will do everything i can to help u out in the house while u rest at the hospital. i know i'm not a perfect daughter to u all this time and that i've never really care much about this family when i was a teenager, but i promise u, after what happened today, i will not let u down, everything i do that got ur blessings, i will do my best and make u proud. i promise i won't break down and cry after this, i shall be strong and face the challenges that's been thrown at me.
i love u so much papa, i've said this a million times but i'm gonna say it again and i'll never stop saying it with all my heart..... i LOVE u papa...
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
my dad has always been the hero in my heart, i don't think anyone else can be the hero that he is to me because he's always there, not only for me, but for all of his daughters, no matter how bad the damage is, he's always there to help us pull through. he is the hero of my heart because, i don't think anyone can manage to raise 6 wonderful girls in one house right? he did it without a doubt is he is the man of steel! he raise us to be strong, firm and at the same time gentle to one another.
visited him for awhile during visiting hour, he looked so pale and weak, i makes me wanna cry, but i can't show it infront of him. i have to be strong. before i leave, we shook hands, and then for the 1st time ever, right after i kissed his hand and his cheek, he kissed my cheek back and i feel.... WOW! for the 1st time that i know....he's not the person that would do that but he did it...to me.... i cried....in the car..
:P
when i think about him being in the hospital alone, i just feel like crying again because i just don't like the fact that he's there at all... he's suppose to be the one that worries about he's daughters and do everything he can to cheer us up but now that he's there alone, it makes me scared, for him.... i imagine alot of possible things that might happen in the hospital while he's there but i try not to, i mean, i wanna be there to take care of him, i don't want the nurse to take care of him, that's my job!!!!NOT URS!!! :'(
well, right now, in the house, i have to fully take in charge of every situation because i'm the oldest since my eldest moved out 2 weeks ago and i'm responssible for any damaged caused by any one of my sisters or anything happen to my sisters. i hope i can do it, i know i can, i just need a little bit of guidence.
to papa, get well soon, i'll visit u everyday until u're back at home, i will do everything i can to help u out in the house while u rest at the hospital. i know i'm not a perfect daughter to u all this time and that i've never really care much about this family when i was a teenager, but i promise u, after what happened today, i will not let u down, everything i do that got ur blessings, i will do my best and make u proud. i promise i won't break down and cry after this, i shall be strong and face the challenges that's been thrown at me.
i love u so much papa, i've said this a million times but i'm gonna say it again and i'll never stop saying it with all my heart..... i LOVE u papa...
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
feelings
feeling, what is it with it? i mean, i'm just trying to go o with my life and stop thinking about all this relationships and my sadness of my BESTfriend's death and suddenly so many people starts talking about it all over again and somehow i think i drawn to it as well. i know i shouldn't, but i'm a human being too, i have feelings, i want a person that can show me love, respect me as a woman and show me the real meaning of love. i had that before, i have to say, i was loved, bymy family, friends, my bestfriend (RIP), and that special some one... i had it all, i feel, i felt but now i wanna be numb... i mean...i don't feel like feeling anything at the moment.... it's not that i don't wanna feel anything mind u, it's just that i don't wanna feel the pain that i'm going through, i know everyone will agree with me on that, but then again, who are we to complaint huh?
since we can't complaint, i guess it's best that we make it positive...somehow.... i mean, i have the pain feeling but i got people that's always there for me and i'm really thankful for that... but somehow, i miss my dear bestfriend. i still can't believe that's he's gone, i know, i did try to forget about him but somehow, when my friends talking about their bestfriends, it makes me miss him more and i always cope it in my heart, i feel like crying, i just wanna stop thinking about him, but i can't. i love him too much to let him go while i'm stuck here moping alone. this love that i have for him is more than a bestfriend-family-friends kindda love, but it's more of a would-die-for, winning-the-world-cup, over-the-moon kindda love. the love that can't be found anywhere else, it' true that i would die for him, i would do anything to make him happy. the real love that i don't think i have for my ex-boyfriends. this is much too strong. and i'm afraid because of this, i might not love my future 'soulmate' like i love him.
of coz i don't want that, i wanna feel the love that i had for him, the love that i would make him cherish and i will make him the happiest man alive, i may not be the perfect person thats gonna fulfill every requirement but i know that i have to always respect and love my future 'soulmate' like i've never had. since i've only had 2 boyfriends before this, so i promise myself that on this 3rd one, i shall promise to myself that i will give my all to him and that i will be the best soulmate for him as well.
i don't know if it's gonna be soon or later that i'm gonna go back into this relationship thing, but then again, if that special someone just walk up to me and make me the happiest person in this world, i will cherish it with all my heart like what i've did to everyone that i've ever loved!
Cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
since we can't complaint, i guess it's best that we make it positive...somehow.... i mean, i have the pain feeling but i got people that's always there for me and i'm really thankful for that... but somehow, i miss my dear bestfriend. i still can't believe that's he's gone, i know, i did try to forget about him but somehow, when my friends talking about their bestfriends, it makes me miss him more and i always cope it in my heart, i feel like crying, i just wanna stop thinking about him, but i can't. i love him too much to let him go while i'm stuck here moping alone. this love that i have for him is more than a bestfriend-family-friends kindda love, but it's more of a would-die-for, winning-the-world-cup, over-the-moon kindda love. the love that can't be found anywhere else, it' true that i would die for him, i would do anything to make him happy. the real love that i don't think i have for my ex-boyfriends. this is much too strong. and i'm afraid because of this, i might not love my future 'soulmate' like i love him.
of coz i don't want that, i wanna feel the love that i had for him, the love that i would make him cherish and i will make him the happiest man alive, i may not be the perfect person thats gonna fulfill every requirement but i know that i have to always respect and love my future 'soulmate' like i've never had. since i've only had 2 boyfriends before this, so i promise myself that on this 3rd one, i shall promise to myself that i will give my all to him and that i will be the best soulmate for him as well.
i don't know if it's gonna be soon or later that i'm gonna go back into this relationship thing, but then again, if that special someone just walk up to me and make me the happiest person in this world, i will cherish it with all my heart like what i've did to everyone that i've ever loved!
Half the world is sleeping,
Half the world's awake
Half can hear their hearts beat
Half just hear them break
I am but a traveler, in most every way
Ask me what you want...to know
What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way
When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been.
I have been to sorrow
I have been to bliss
Where I'll be tomorrow,
I can only guess
Through the darkest desert
Through the deepest snow,
Forward always forward, I go..
What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way
When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been...
Forward, always forward...
Onward, always up...
Catching every drop of hope
In my empty cup
What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way
When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been.
Half the world's awake
Half can hear their hearts beat
Half just hear them break
I am but a traveler, in most every way
Ask me what you want...to know
What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way
When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been.
I have been to sorrow
I have been to bliss
Where I'll be tomorrow,
I can only guess
Through the darkest desert
Through the deepest snow,
Forward always forward, I go..
What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way
When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been...
Forward, always forward...
Onward, always up...
Catching every drop of hope
In my empty cup
What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way
When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been.
Cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
Thursday, November 13, 2008
the term of exploding....
my mood was ok at first today...i mean, i was doing my revision before my exam when my friend told me some stuff that make me just wanna walk up to that certain person and just throw my shoe that him or bitch-slap him or something..but then again i know violence won't solve anything right? i so just try not to think about it and continue with my revision but somehow a little part of it still stuck in my mind... i can control it but i guess my 'bitchy' feeling was conquering my mind.. i can't help it anyway....
i mean, come on, if you got something against me, come and tell me straight la, u don't have to go and get close to my younger sisters and my dad with the reason "trying to get close" to me because i've been "avoiding" u... don't u have any other thing to do? what did i do to make u wanna get close to me so badly? i know that i sure did not cast any spell on anyone or anything......GOD!
everyone can get close to me, but please, don't lie and just be urself... look at all my friends...they're my friends coz they are themselves and not fake.
and no matter how u wanna get close to me by my sisters or my dad, i just wanna tell u that they will be on my side and not yours! although i was once not the best child in the family but atleast i'm trying my best to get close to them and i swear to God if u do anything to harm any of us in any way...any way at all............. i will never let u go until i have my revenge....somehow...anyhow!just to make sure ur life is gonna be a total Hell on earth...
i may good like a goodie goodie girl who alot of people wanna take advantage of....but i can tell u that i can be MORE than that..... i'm not treatening or anything, but i swear that i will do something if u come near me or my family....
it's between me and u...stop harassing my friends as well....
ou snap!!!i think i've lost it....i just wanna get that out of my chest...hehheee~ it's been in me for quite some times already...i think by typing that, i feel a sudden relieve in my mind.... ^_^
im so sorry to everyone who's reading this post.... it's nothing really...i just wanna let it go...
ok..i'm good now......but i wanna write something really random now....
when you found your soulmate, just make sure that the person you're with is actually add the happiness in your life and not sadness and sorrow.....and miserable time.....(you've been through it, you should know)..
if you shed a tear because of that particular person, then you should re-think about him/her on being your soulmate.
this lyric i wrote is about something that happens to me in some part of my life...it's called 'wondered'...
I don't know
If it a lie
So many great words
That I've heard from you
But something is missing
Something that completes the puzzle
The mysteries of my life
Why does it always a reason
That makes me wondered
A reason to live
A lie to make me feel better
Makes me feel alive
Although I am dying inside
When everything seems wrong
It's just isn't right for me
Why should I be clueless?
Never know the truth
You think it might hurt me
The pain of lie hurts more
My heart is bleeding
With the blade of lies in time
Killing me inside out
Forever like a moment
A moment is never forever
The wound might heal soon
Dry out without love and emptiness
No sympathy without crimes
Crying out the pain that once gone
Praying for a second chance
Growing make us wise
And as we go our way
Wonder where the road leads us
Shall hold it in our heart
An eye to keep me straight
Guide me to the grace
A heart to keep me going
To the broken road ahead that's gone
And life will be kind
And our soul will find another soul to love
The faith will keep me safe
The truth will never stop us
From knowing what's right
And by learning to love and forgive
But never forget the things we've been through
Cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
i mean, come on, if you got something against me, come and tell me straight la, u don't have to go and get close to my younger sisters and my dad with the reason "trying to get close" to me because i've been "avoiding" u... don't u have any other thing to do? what did i do to make u wanna get close to me so badly? i know that i sure did not cast any spell on anyone or anything......GOD!
everyone can get close to me, but please, don't lie and just be urself... look at all my friends...they're my friends coz they are themselves and not fake.
and no matter how u wanna get close to me by my sisters or my dad, i just wanna tell u that they will be on my side and not yours! although i was once not the best child in the family but atleast i'm trying my best to get close to them and i swear to God if u do anything to harm any of us in any way...any way at all............. i will never let u go until i have my revenge....somehow...anyhow!just to make sure ur life is gonna be a total Hell on earth...
i may good like a goodie goodie girl who alot of people wanna take advantage of....but i can tell u that i can be MORE than that..... i'm not treatening or anything, but i swear that i will do something if u come near me or my family....
it's between me and u...stop harassing my friends as well....
ou snap!!!i think i've lost it....i just wanna get that out of my chest...hehheee~ it's been in me for quite some times already...i think by typing that, i feel a sudden relieve in my mind.... ^_^
im so sorry to everyone who's reading this post.... it's nothing really...i just wanna let it go...
ok..i'm good now......but i wanna write something really random now....
when you found your soulmate, just make sure that the person you're with is actually add the happiness in your life and not sadness and sorrow.....and miserable time.....(you've been through it, you should know)..
if you shed a tear because of that particular person, then you should re-think about him/her on being your soulmate.
this lyric i wrote is about something that happens to me in some part of my life...it's called 'wondered'...
I don't know
If it a lie
So many great words
That I've heard from you
But something is missing
Something that completes the puzzle
The mysteries of my life
Why does it always a reason
That makes me wondered
A reason to live
A lie to make me feel better
Makes me feel alive
Although I am dying inside
When everything seems wrong
It's just isn't right for me
Why should I be clueless?
Never know the truth
You think it might hurt me
The pain of lie hurts more
My heart is bleeding
With the blade of lies in time
Killing me inside out
Forever like a moment
A moment is never forever
The wound might heal soon
Dry out without love and emptiness
No sympathy without crimes
Crying out the pain that once gone
Praying for a second chance
Growing make us wise
And as we go our way
Wonder where the road leads us
Shall hold it in our heart
An eye to keep me straight
Guide me to the grace
A heart to keep me going
To the broken road ahead that's gone
And life will be kind
And our soul will find another soul to love
The faith will keep me safe
The truth will never stop us
From knowing what's right
And by learning to love and forgive
But never forget the things we've been through
Cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
the music of my heart....
well.....exams is so near...and i know i should be studying...and i am...writting this blog is like a stress release for me, i can let anything out, i mean.....im having this really bad sore throat, flu -feverish and cough..but despite all that, i still manage to write something up.
u know the feeling when somebody's writting poem or a song..it makes u wanna write as well....but u just got no inspiration at all???
yea..i got that problem..but then again...one of my dear friend (thanks Joe) told me to just fantasize and just write something..it doesn't have to be reality or anything...but when you dream of something but just have to imagine and everything will come in place...
well, that's what i've been doing and still can't get the idea...so what i did is that i write something that i like most in my life (other than my family and my friends), MUSIC. it's kinda hard but i think i pulled it off somehow...
it might not sound good or anything....i mean...this is my 1st attempt after 3-4 years of not writting (darn i feel old)... so bear in mind that this might not be as good as all those professional writter that's been writting their whole life..i mean, i'm not a writter.... im just a low life chef-in-the-making, freelance performer who needs a job to support my future... :)
ok..so here goes.... the title of my poem-song is called 'the music of my heart'....
yea i know it sounds like N'sync and Gloria Estefan's song from the movie with the same name as well.....darn... ok ok.... move on with the main part of this post.........
The melody of my soul
The song that keeps me away from the dark
The fire that kept me away from cold
The masterpiece and work of art
The lyric that I long to hear
The things that completes before I start
The symphony that calms my fear
That’s the music of my heart
Being so good to hear the song I could hardly stand it
Everything goes like planned and hold that thought while I get candid
Like a beautiful guitar strum the cord of mercy
Breathe life into me, restore my soul completely
I’m out of tune at some parts; I have some string need of mending
I know I can do better, for you can help me sing
Write a tune upon my heart
The instruments will never be apart
I’m captivated and my heart elated
Everything in this world will not be tormented
Every single line’s full of love divine
Write to me like a valentine
With the tune my heart won’t sigh
With the sound my heart won’t cry
With the cord that knows where the road goes
With the words that make your love grows
The song that’s being written
Is all about the journey that I’ve learned
Being truth to yourself and being grateful
For all the things that’s been done and being thankful
And I think it’s telling me it might be you
And that I should just be with you
And listen to the music that’s being played again
The unfamiliar strain from way back when
And while the song still brings that certain glow
And the words still sing of love I know
Every note and every line
It's always been a favourite song of mine
yea..i know it sounds cheesy and all... and it's not like the one i wrote a few years ago but..... i did my best and i hope you like it...
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
u know the feeling when somebody's writting poem or a song..it makes u wanna write as well....but u just got no inspiration at all???
yea..i got that problem..but then again...one of my dear friend (thanks Joe) told me to just fantasize and just write something..it doesn't have to be reality or anything...but when you dream of something but just have to imagine and everything will come in place...
well, that's what i've been doing and still can't get the idea...so what i did is that i write something that i like most in my life (other than my family and my friends), MUSIC. it's kinda hard but i think i pulled it off somehow...
it might not sound good or anything....i mean...this is my 1st attempt after 3-4 years of not writting (darn i feel old)... so bear in mind that this might not be as good as all those professional writter that's been writting their whole life..i mean, i'm not a writter.... im just a low life chef-in-the-making, freelance performer who needs a job to support my future... :)
ok..so here goes.... the title of my poem-song is called 'the music of my heart'....
yea i know it sounds like N'sync and Gloria Estefan's song from the movie with the same name as well.....darn... ok ok.... move on with the main part of this post.........
The melody of my soul
The song that keeps me away from the dark
The fire that kept me away from cold
The masterpiece and work of art
The lyric that I long to hear
The things that completes before I start
The symphony that calms my fear
That’s the music of my heart
Being so good to hear the song I could hardly stand it
Everything goes like planned and hold that thought while I get candid
Like a beautiful guitar strum the cord of mercy
Breathe life into me, restore my soul completely
I’m out of tune at some parts; I have some string need of mending
I know I can do better, for you can help me sing
Write a tune upon my heart
The instruments will never be apart
I’m captivated and my heart elated
Everything in this world will not be tormented
Every single line’s full of love divine
Write to me like a valentine
With the tune my heart won’t sigh
With the sound my heart won’t cry
With the cord that knows where the road goes
With the words that make your love grows
The song that’s being written
Is all about the journey that I’ve learned
Being truth to yourself and being grateful
For all the things that’s been done and being thankful
And I think it’s telling me it might be you
And that I should just be with you
And listen to the music that’s being played again
The unfamiliar strain from way back when
And while the song still brings that certain glow
And the words still sing of love I know
Every note and every line
It's always been a favourite song of mine
yea..i know it sounds cheesy and all... and it's not like the one i wrote a few years ago but..... i did my best and i hope you like it...
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Sorry seems to be the hardest word!
we think by saying 'sorry', we can eventually erase the hurt caused to others. and just beacause we say so, it does not mean that the recipient have to accept it right?
right....
also, NOT saying 'sorry' too has become a morm these days, i know of someone who had caused me in a grievious pain through his/her words and action a couple of times. being the straight in your face type, when i confronted him/her, he/she only managed to utter a barely there, 'NOOOOO'.
what was that suppose to mean? perhaps it's 'sorry' in his/her language but i honestly think NOT, i guess sorry seems to be the hardest word to say.
we are quickly to say sorry when we accidentally kick someone's leg or hit an arm or bump into someone in the crowd. then we smile at each other and vaporise into the milling crowd going about our own bussiness. but if a relationship was formed, not to mention friendship, partnership or ancentral, we don't easily forget or forgive. we suffer in silence, sometimes complaining to all how injustice was done upon us.
it was heartening when the newly elected Australian Prime Minister Kein Rudd (yes, i do read the newspaper) made a public apology to the aborigines especially to the Stolen Generation- the families that was broken up by state decree for their children to be assimilated into mainstream society. the deep sense of humanity in acknowledging the unspeakable emotional suffering of the victims all this time.
although such an apology was late in coming, nevertheless, it still brought tears flow freely that day. hearts were touched. one oborigine lady remarked "it took so long for us to hear this, and now it is over. we have to move on with our lives".
beautifully said, indeed. it was admirable to accept the wrongs done and the courage to express remorse.
apologies must come from the very core of our hearts. the word 'sorry' is not so cheap after all.....
;p
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
right....
also, NOT saying 'sorry' too has become a morm these days, i know of someone who had caused me in a grievious pain through his/her words and action a couple of times. being the straight in your face type, when i confronted him/her, he/she only managed to utter a barely there, 'NOOOOO'.
what was that suppose to mean? perhaps it's 'sorry' in his/her language but i honestly think NOT, i guess sorry seems to be the hardest word to say.
we are quickly to say sorry when we accidentally kick someone's leg or hit an arm or bump into someone in the crowd. then we smile at each other and vaporise into the milling crowd going about our own bussiness. but if a relationship was formed, not to mention friendship, partnership or ancentral, we don't easily forget or forgive. we suffer in silence, sometimes complaining to all how injustice was done upon us.
it was heartening when the newly elected Australian Prime Minister Kein Rudd (yes, i do read the newspaper) made a public apology to the aborigines especially to the Stolen Generation- the families that was broken up by state decree for their children to be assimilated into mainstream society. the deep sense of humanity in acknowledging the unspeakable emotional suffering of the victims all this time.
although such an apology was late in coming, nevertheless, it still brought tears flow freely that day. hearts were touched. one oborigine lady remarked "it took so long for us to hear this, and now it is over. we have to move on with our lives".
beautifully said, indeed. it was admirable to accept the wrongs done and the courage to express remorse.
apologies must come from the very core of our hearts. the word 'sorry' is not so cheap after all.....
;p
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
Friday, November 7, 2008
trying to hide but can't...
have you ever had that feeling of insecurity? i mean, lets face it, i think everyone has atleast have a taste of that feeling and you feel so trap that you just wanna scream or cry or just be somewhere that no one can find you....atleast for a few days. well, i'm having that sort of feelings right now. insecurity is one thing, but lack of confidence just makes me loose hope. i just wanna run away, hide in one place where no one can find me, just to have a peace of mind... but then again, as im writting this, i know most of you who read my post will feel like slapping me or shake me up to make me snap out of it.... so...yea..im sorry im sorry that i gave a negative aura in this blog right now...ok...i shall snap myself..woah! :)
for the 1st time ever, i have to admit that i need my own inspiration, guidance and my own comfort... i know that i have all that through mostly by my family and by my friends, but at times, i wish i could be one myself.. i mean by having my own inspiration, that 'something' that can lift me up to a new beginning, the reason for me to stay awake and make a difference in my life or even inspire others to make a difference in their life. ou how i wish i could do that... but then again, i think i should just take one step at a time.
i noticed that life is about changing, not stick to one thing forever or all the time. but then again, once you found the perfect 'thing' that you're looking for, it's better that you cherish it and never let it go no matter how bad the situation it might be... although some other things might be better than what you have, you should not just let it go for something new, that something new might not be as perfect as you expected, and then you may want back you old thing but somehow it's not there for you anymore. this specific "thing" can be apply to everything you can think of. like your shoes, clothes, pets, relationships and even lifes.
we all have something to be regret of right? i do, i have some unpleasent things to be regret of and i hope that i won't that silly simple mistakes ever again.. life is about exploring what you can in this world, it doesn't have to be something stupid (like what they are doing in 'jackass the movie') or anything but to try something new.. so if you don't think you can dance, go ahead and make a fool of yourself, you'll never know if you're a better dancer that you think you are. some say "don't let other people judge you, let you judge yourself..".. well i say "come on, some things are mend to be judge by others... well.... atleast to give you a piece of mind on what your good at..." and what other way but to let your family (espeacially your parents) to judge you, they will give full support on what you are good at. there's where you'll find out what you're really good at, and then you stick to it.
i know i'm writting craps right now but then again, i have to get some stuff out of my head so i have to write something right?
so just stop thinking about all the stress that you're having and just let it go.... i think i'm feeling better now that it's all over (i hope it's forever). i just wanna think about what i'm about to do later and tomorrow and the day after day and next year and my future.i can't predict my future but right now if i start doing things positively, i think i might just have a better future ahead.
so to everyone else, i love you guys, never let one thing, one thought destroy your whole life and your future... you are so much better than you think you are.... trust me!
:)
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
for the 1st time ever, i have to admit that i need my own inspiration, guidance and my own comfort... i know that i have all that through mostly by my family and by my friends, but at times, i wish i could be one myself.. i mean by having my own inspiration, that 'something' that can lift me up to a new beginning, the reason for me to stay awake and make a difference in my life or even inspire others to make a difference in their life. ou how i wish i could do that... but then again, i think i should just take one step at a time.
i noticed that life is about changing, not stick to one thing forever or all the time. but then again, once you found the perfect 'thing' that you're looking for, it's better that you cherish it and never let it go no matter how bad the situation it might be... although some other things might be better than what you have, you should not just let it go for something new, that something new might not be as perfect as you expected, and then you may want back you old thing but somehow it's not there for you anymore. this specific "thing" can be apply to everything you can think of. like your shoes, clothes, pets, relationships and even lifes.
we all have something to be regret of right? i do, i have some unpleasent things to be regret of and i hope that i won't that silly simple mistakes ever again.. life is about exploring what you can in this world, it doesn't have to be something stupid (like what they are doing in 'jackass the movie') or anything but to try something new.. so if you don't think you can dance, go ahead and make a fool of yourself, you'll never know if you're a better dancer that you think you are. some say "don't let other people judge you, let you judge yourself..".. well i say "come on, some things are mend to be judge by others... well.... atleast to give you a piece of mind on what your good at..." and what other way but to let your family (espeacially your parents) to judge you, they will give full support on what you are good at. there's where you'll find out what you're really good at, and then you stick to it.
i know i'm writting craps right now but then again, i have to get some stuff out of my head so i have to write something right?
so just stop thinking about all the stress that you're having and just let it go.... i think i'm feeling better now that it's all over (i hope it's forever). i just wanna think about what i'm about to do later and tomorrow and the day after day and next year and my future.i can't predict my future but right now if i start doing things positively, i think i might just have a better future ahead.
so to everyone else, i love you guys, never let one thing, one thought destroy your whole life and your future... you are so much better than you think you are.... trust me!
:)
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
Thursday, November 6, 2008
life goes on.....
i don't understand why a person would condemn him/herself for such small reason... 'relationship'... i mean... i've always thought that in a relationship, it should always add to your happiness and not the other way around right? but then again, i can't believe because of it, they can lose everything, their world, their life and even...their soul... why?
i know you can't describe what it feels like when you're in a relationship (well, i know i can't), you feel over the moon, like your life begins and everything that matters just dissapears and like you dare to take the risk of anything that was given to you. i had that feelings before so i think i might know how every other person in the world would feel....
i mean, i loved, was loved, heartbroken and all but when i think about it again, everytime i have a problem with my ex, i always turned to my friends and family. they may not know much about my and my ex relationship but they always find a way to cheer me up, in what ever way they can, and im really thankful for all that..i really am...
in life, we have to take whatever risks that is thrown at us, but don't think of it as a risk.....think of it like a life experience that everyone has to go through before you find out what's gonna happen with your life... you may have to get hurt in order to learn from your mistake and take what's best for you in the future.
never think that you're life suck UNLESS you don't have a family, friends, a place to stay or the knowledge of anything at all... without that..... yes...you're life sucked big time.... but then again... without all that, you can still make the best out of yourself!
like me, i've always hated myself, i always thought that i was alone in the world, my family doesn't support what i do, i'm not pretty that everyone hates me, i was so dumb that i can't get anything right....and the list goes on......and because of that, i think that's why i had a really terrible childhood and teenage years...but somehow, i snapped out of it already...... i learned to appreciate what i have and thank God for all the lovely people that supported me through out, mainly my family... i never knew all that until i realized it by 'opening' my eyes. and with that.. i love al of them so much.... so just be thankful with what you have....
well, in relationship should be like that as well, thank God for the wonderful person you're with and always find a reason to be with them even though it's anly for awhile, always be considerate and understanding...... when you see your love ones, just go to them and greet him/her with a kiss even before you start a conversation. hold him/her tight and don't let go. never make promises you can't keep and the most important thing is, TRUST your partner because without it... i don't think you can go far.... trust, is the main key of a relationship!
so, if you're not in a relationship, don't get bumped out about it, this is the chance to hang-out with your friends more, be at home with your family more and this is the time that you should do what you've always wanted to do... ^_^
i've wrote this song before in one of my blog entry but i think i should write it down again just to show you guys roughly what to be thankful for.... i know i am..... i wrote it when i was 16 so it's abit un-proper...so bear with me-LAH!
-_-'''
how could i ask for more....
there's nothing like a warm of a summer afternoon
Waking throught he sunlight, and being cradled by the moon
catching fireflies at night, building castles in the sand
kissing mama's face goodnight and holding daddy's hand
Thank You......how could i ask for more....
running bare foot throught he grass, a little hide-and-go-seek
being so in love you can hardly eat
dancing in the dark, when there's no one else around
being bundled beneath the covers, watching rain falls to the ground
Thank You......how could i ask for more....
so many things i've thought would bring me happiness
some dreams that are realities today
such an irony the things that means the most to me
are the memories that i've made along the way
so if there's anything i've learned from this journey i am on
simple truth will keep you going, simple love will keep you strong
coz there are questions without anwers, flames that never dies
heartache we go through are often blessings in disguise
so Thank You.....
Thank You.....How could i ask....for more...
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
i know you can't describe what it feels like when you're in a relationship (well, i know i can't), you feel over the moon, like your life begins and everything that matters just dissapears and like you dare to take the risk of anything that was given to you. i had that feelings before so i think i might know how every other person in the world would feel....
i mean, i loved, was loved, heartbroken and all but when i think about it again, everytime i have a problem with my ex, i always turned to my friends and family. they may not know much about my and my ex relationship but they always find a way to cheer me up, in what ever way they can, and im really thankful for all that..i really am...
in life, we have to take whatever risks that is thrown at us, but don't think of it as a risk.....think of it like a life experience that everyone has to go through before you find out what's gonna happen with your life... you may have to get hurt in order to learn from your mistake and take what's best for you in the future.
never think that you're life suck UNLESS you don't have a family, friends, a place to stay or the knowledge of anything at all... without that..... yes...you're life sucked big time.... but then again... without all that, you can still make the best out of yourself!
like me, i've always hated myself, i always thought that i was alone in the world, my family doesn't support what i do, i'm not pretty that everyone hates me, i was so dumb that i can't get anything right....and the list goes on......and because of that, i think that's why i had a really terrible childhood and teenage years...but somehow, i snapped out of it already...... i learned to appreciate what i have and thank God for all the lovely people that supported me through out, mainly my family... i never knew all that until i realized it by 'opening' my eyes. and with that.. i love al of them so much.... so just be thankful with what you have....
well, in relationship should be like that as well, thank God for the wonderful person you're with and always find a reason to be with them even though it's anly for awhile, always be considerate and understanding...... when you see your love ones, just go to them and greet him/her with a kiss even before you start a conversation. hold him/her tight and don't let go. never make promises you can't keep and the most important thing is, TRUST your partner because without it... i don't think you can go far.... trust, is the main key of a relationship!
so, if you're not in a relationship, don't get bumped out about it, this is the chance to hang-out with your friends more, be at home with your family more and this is the time that you should do what you've always wanted to do... ^_^
i've wrote this song before in one of my blog entry but i think i should write it down again just to show you guys roughly what to be thankful for.... i know i am..... i wrote it when i was 16 so it's abit un-proper...so bear with me-LAH!
-_-'''
how could i ask for more....
there's nothing like a warm of a summer afternoon
Waking throught he sunlight, and being cradled by the moon
catching fireflies at night, building castles in the sand
kissing mama's face goodnight and holding daddy's hand
Thank You......how could i ask for more....
running bare foot throught he grass, a little hide-and-go-seek
being so in love you can hardly eat
dancing in the dark, when there's no one else around
being bundled beneath the covers, watching rain falls to the ground
Thank You......how could i ask for more....
so many things i've thought would bring me happiness
some dreams that are realities today
such an irony the things that means the most to me
are the memories that i've made along the way
so if there's anything i've learned from this journey i am on
simple truth will keep you going, simple love will keep you strong
coz there are questions without anwers, flames that never dies
heartache we go through are often blessings in disguise
so Thank You.....
Thank You.....How could i ask....for more...
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
Monday, November 3, 2008
a new birth.....a new life...
a new birth.....a birth, meaning giving a new life...today, at 3am, i heard a funny noise at the back of my house..i know i should be sleeping but i had a really fun day so i manage to stay up a little while longer. my sister was shouting "princess is giving birth!!!!".....
i turn off my laptop and ran down through the kitchen door to the back of my house (coz there's where my dad put the cage)... and what i saw for the next 2hours was a miracle + painful experience..well...for the cat atleast..... Princess, the name that my youngest sister gave to her cat was really active and strong and we never thought that it would give birth to 3 wonderful new kittens and i can assure you that this won't be the last of it too... *wink wink*....hehheeee~
i would take some birth giving shoots but it was dark and we don't wanna scare the cat with the camera's flash so we decided not to take any photograph until the next morning...which is today la.........
it's a miracle how birth can give lifes and joy to some but some still have the guts to kill it by doing abortions and stuff... its so unfair because the infants wanna life their lifes too..although they can't think now, they still can feel and experience pain when some people thinks that they don't deserves to live. everyone deserve a chance on living. just for the seck of experience and to feel what it's like living in a place called earth. if we could just stop these cruelty, i think that we might actually live in a perfect world.
the pain that the mothers had during labour and giving birth is the one thing that all men feared. i heard from all mothers that the pain can sometimes be so unbareble that they would want to end their life just to save the baby. by saying that, i just wanna tell everybody to just hug ur mom and say thank you for giving u life so you can experience all life can bring... so what if it sucks sometimes, don't give up because, life do bring miracles sometimes...no..you don't have to look for it...you just need to think positive in life and that everything is going your way...and by doing that, you'll somehow will achive what you want in no time....it happens!!to everyone..so be thankful for what you have....
anyways..what im trying to call out is just..appreciate what you have and don't ever take things for granted...at all..........
i turn off my laptop and ran down through the kitchen door to the back of my house (coz there's where my dad put the cage)... and what i saw for the next 2hours was a miracle + painful experience..well...for the cat atleast..... Princess, the name that my youngest sister gave to her cat was really active and strong and we never thought that it would give birth to 3 wonderful new kittens and i can assure you that this won't be the last of it too... *wink wink*....hehheeee~
i would take some birth giving shoots but it was dark and we don't wanna scare the cat with the camera's flash so we decided not to take any photograph until the next morning...which is today la.........
it's a miracle how birth can give lifes and joy to some but some still have the guts to kill it by doing abortions and stuff... its so unfair because the infants wanna life their lifes too..although they can't think now, they still can feel and experience pain when some people thinks that they don't deserves to live. everyone deserve a chance on living. just for the seck of experience and to feel what it's like living in a place called earth. if we could just stop these cruelty, i think that we might actually live in a perfect world.
the pain that the mothers had during labour and giving birth is the one thing that all men feared. i heard from all mothers that the pain can sometimes be so unbareble that they would want to end their life just to save the baby. by saying that, i just wanna tell everybody to just hug ur mom and say thank you for giving u life so you can experience all life can bring... so what if it sucks sometimes, don't give up because, life do bring miracles sometimes...no..you don't have to look for it...you just need to think positive in life and that everything is going your way...and by doing that, you'll somehow will achive what you want in no time....it happens!!to everyone..so be thankful for what you have....
anyways..what im trying to call out is just..appreciate what you have and don't ever take things for granted...at all..........cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
Saturday, November 1, 2008
at the term of breaking.....
you know how it feel when you were hoping for something really bad but in the end it doesn't come your way? it's either you feel like shouting and cursing or you just feel like seating down at that quiet little corner and just...break down and cry....
well.....i'm feeling that way now. it's not because of anything mind you.... it's just a process of life i guess. i mean, everyone have to have that feeling eventually... like they say, nobody's perfect...not even the Queen herself. but i'm still trying, trying be more mature about life, being more open to others and taking risk when i have the chance.
not everyone had a perfect life...mine isn't all that perfect as well... but i do try and make the best out of everything, somehow.
today was suppose to be the same, i didn't do much today and was planning of my day for tomorrow and when someone suddenly making excuses to avoid something and you know that they are lying, it just somehow pisses you off.... well, i'm trying not to get pissed off... but somehow, my evil feeling is taking over me and i got mad...it's not good..seriously...i don't get mad easily...
so what i did was i meditate and put my thought into something else... i think about all the good things that had happened in my life and the things that are coming my way.
is it just me or i'm 'blapping' about goodie goodie thing? darn!!!sorry...
i just have to say, tackle life with all your skills to overcome each and every hills, if you persist with all your will, you'll enjoy life and it's thrill, so just chill........
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
well.....i'm feeling that way now. it's not because of anything mind you.... it's just a process of life i guess. i mean, everyone have to have that feeling eventually... like they say, nobody's perfect...not even the Queen herself. but i'm still trying, trying be more mature about life, being more open to others and taking risk when i have the chance.
not everyone had a perfect life...mine isn't all that perfect as well... but i do try and make the best out of everything, somehow.
today was suppose to be the same, i didn't do much today and was planning of my day for tomorrow and when someone suddenly making excuses to avoid something and you know that they are lying, it just somehow pisses you off.... well, i'm trying not to get pissed off... but somehow, my evil feeling is taking over me and i got mad...it's not good..seriously...i don't get mad easily...
so what i did was i meditate and put my thought into something else... i think about all the good things that had happened in my life and the things that are coming my way.
is it just me or i'm 'blapping' about goodie goodie thing? darn!!!sorry...
i just have to say, tackle life with all your skills to overcome each and every hills, if you persist with all your will, you'll enjoy life and it's thrill, so just chill........
cheers
Shahila Johan
<3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
