I look at your photograph all the time,
I can honestly say you've been on my mind.
I know you've gone but I can still feel you here.
I gotta keep it strong before the pain turn into fear.
How do you find the words to say
When your heart don't have the heart to say?
Now this is my goodbye,
here comes the first of every tears I'm gonna cry.
Though I'll never see you again,
And it'll take some time to heal the pain.
But even though everything is different now,
You'll be in my heart somehow.
So here comes goodbye.
You deserve the chance at the kind of love,
But now we'll never know how life might take us.
I never dreamed you'd go your own sweet way,
Ain't it funny how time slips away?
How do you find the words to say
When your heart don't have the heart to say?
Now this is my goodbye,
here comes the first of every tears I'm gonna cry.
Though I'll never see you again,
And it'll take some time to heal the pain.
But even though everything is different now,
You'll be in my heart somehow.
So here comes goodbye.
My dreams suddenly seem so empty,
Your life was taken away before I know it.
I never ever thought the there would come a time,
It's hard to understand that our story would end.
If I listen to my heart I'll hear your laughter inside,
And I know you'll be fine on the heaven side.
Now this is my goodbye,
here comes the first of every tears I'm gonna cry.
Though I'll never see you again,
And it'll take some time to heal the pain.
But even though everything is different now,
You'll be in my heart somehow.
So here comes goodbye.
Love,
Shahila Johan
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
It was you
You said I was sent down from heaven,
that God has sent you and angel.
You said everybody's looking for that one thing,
and that you had found it in me.
But night after night I hear myself say,
How can this feeling just go away.
so I say...
It was you that made my eyes to cry.
It was you that made my heart to die.
It was you that made me break in pieces.
It was you that made me go all so senseless.
Cause it's you that had made me fall.
So it's you, you, you alone,
That made me write this song...for you.
You said my voice cradles you at night,
That you can never let me out of you're sight.
You said I'm pretty when I'm not wearing make up,
and that you'll die if we ever break up.
But night after night I hear myself say,
How can this feeling just go away?
But once again all you're thinking about,
is taking the easy way out.
So i say,
It was you that made my eyes to cry.
It was you that made my heart to die.
It was you that made me break in pieces.
It was you that made me go all so senseless.
Cause it's you that had made me fall.
So it's you, you, you alone,
That made me write this song...for you.
True lovers don't take it slowly,
When you've found the one and only.
Taking from a known sad story,
It's painted with pain and glory...
So I say,
It was you that made my eyes to cry.
It was you that made my heart to die.
It was you that made me break in pieces.
It was you that made me go all so senseless.
Cause it's you that had made me fall.
So it's you, you, you alone,
That made me write this song...for you.
But once again all you're thinking about,
is taking the easy way out.
love,
Shahila Johan
that God has sent you and angel.
You said everybody's looking for that one thing,
and that you had found it in me.
But night after night I hear myself say,
How can this feeling just go away.
so I say...
It was you that made my eyes to cry.
It was you that made my heart to die.
It was you that made me break in pieces.
It was you that made me go all so senseless.
Cause it's you that had made me fall.
So it's you, you, you alone,
That made me write this song...for you.
You said my voice cradles you at night,
That you can never let me out of you're sight.
You said I'm pretty when I'm not wearing make up,
and that you'll die if we ever break up.
But night after night I hear myself say,
How can this feeling just go away?
But once again all you're thinking about,
is taking the easy way out.
So i say,
It was you that made my eyes to cry.
It was you that made my heart to die.
It was you that made me break in pieces.
It was you that made me go all so senseless.
Cause it's you that had made me fall.
So it's you, you, you alone,
That made me write this song...for you.
True lovers don't take it slowly,
When you've found the one and only.
Taking from a known sad story,
It's painted with pain and glory...
So I say,
It was you that made my eyes to cry.
It was you that made my heart to die.
It was you that made me break in pieces.
It was you that made me go all so senseless.
Cause it's you that had made me fall.
So it's you, you, you alone,
That made me write this song...for you.
But once again all you're thinking about,
is taking the easy way out.
love,
Shahila Johan
Saturday, September 18, 2010
the break up song.
I've been running in your direction for too long now,
and I've lost my own reflection.
I just can't see how,
Why don't you catch me when I fall......anymore.
I know now if I play fire I get burned,
but it also can be warm.
You somehow promised that you will learn,
now I know all your emotions are just words.
I'm the flower in the smallest garden,
reaching for the light,
and you are the candle that's in the dark,
conquering my night.
Who's to blame,
If we can't hear our own voices......anymore.
things maybe different when we walk our path,
but I have to go.
we may struggle with our own task,
but I will take it slow.
when this is over,
there won't be no second chance.
If this is the moment,
that we will say goodbye.
If this is the moment,
i stand here all alone.
if this is the moment,
for the rest of my life.
If this is the moment,
that somehow leads me home.
I know you won't ever break my heart again.
the pain will ease if I can learn.
that the heart may freeze or it can burn.
I might crash buy I still believe.
Because from you, I won't be deceived.
So I'm letting you go and I'm turning around,
and I'm not gonna wait for you to come back now.
cheers
Shahila Johan
and I've lost my own reflection.
I just can't see how,
Why don't you catch me when I fall......anymore.
I know now if I play fire I get burned,
but it also can be warm.
You somehow promised that you will learn,
now I know all your emotions are just words.
I'm the flower in the smallest garden,
reaching for the light,
and you are the candle that's in the dark,
conquering my night.
Who's to blame,
If we can't hear our own voices......anymore.
things maybe different when we walk our path,
but I have to go.
we may struggle with our own task,
but I will take it slow.
when this is over,
there won't be no second chance.
If this is the moment,
that we will say goodbye.
If this is the moment,
i stand here all alone.
if this is the moment,
for the rest of my life.
If this is the moment,
that somehow leads me home.
I know you won't ever break my heart again.
the pain will ease if I can learn.
that the heart may freeze or it can burn.
I might crash buy I still believe.
Because from you, I won't be deceived.
So I'm letting you go and I'm turning around,
and I'm not gonna wait for you to come back now.
cheers
Shahila Johan
My Raya Post.
So basically, my entry is a week late.
Raya is the time where I actually look forward to because of the food and family gatherings...and maybe those open houses that we just have to go.
This year was a bit different because I can't really feel it in my heart just yet. I was actually looking forward for the holiday I'm going to in the 4th day of Raya.
Even posting up a post is taking forever for me because my mind is still on holiday.
This is the time where everyone got to buy bloody expensive new baju Kurung/Kebaya/Melayu and got to showcase it to everyone. This year, my family somehow choose the colour white. I got mine at the very last minute, a day before raya and it's the most comfortable thing ever because it's huge, so I don't have to think about what I can or cannot eat later. and since I'm gonna where it the whole day, might as well pick the most comfortable one right? no jeweleries, no fancy styles, just plain of modern baju kurung kedah.....i think.. =P
I know this is the time where everyone would be salam-salaman and bermaaf-maafan and all, so right here.... I just wanna say....I forgive you all....HAHA!!!
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin from my family and I!
Cheers!
Shahila Johan
Raya is the time where I actually look forward to because of the food and family gatherings...and maybe those open houses that we just have to go.
This year was a bit different because I can't really feel it in my heart just yet. I was actually looking forward for the holiday I'm going to in the 4th day of Raya.
Even posting up a post is taking forever for me because my mind is still on holiday.
This is the time where everyone got to buy bloody expensive new baju Kurung/Kebaya/Melayu and got to showcase it to everyone. This year, my family somehow choose the colour white. I got mine at the very last minute, a day before raya and it's the most comfortable thing ever because it's huge, so I don't have to think about what I can or cannot eat later. and since I'm gonna where it the whole day, might as well pick the most comfortable one right? no jeweleries, no fancy styles, just plain of modern baju kurung kedah.....i think.. =P
I know this is the time where everyone would be salam-salaman and bermaaf-maafan and all, so right here.... I just wanna say....I forgive you all....HAHA!!!
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin from my family and I!
Cheers!Shahila Johan
Friday, September 3, 2010
Done!
I'm sorry if there's any wrong spelling I might write later because as I'm writing, my eyes are filled with tears.
It's Official, after almost a year of being in a relationship, it has finally came to an end. well yes, that means my heart has officially been broken. It's so painful that I am grateful that I still have feelings after all those numb-ness in my brain.
In 2 days (7th Sept), it's actually gonna be our 1st year being together minus the friendship bond we had. But I guess I won't know how it feels to be together with him for a year although I really wish I could.
I don't blame anyone in this broken relationship because I think both of us plays a big part on why this didn't work out although partly I still blame him for not telling me the real reason he wants to end it.
I guess i can't do anything about it. Although he'll still remain in my heart, I have to learn how to let go. sigh~ that's tough!
Life is beautiful, let's get a move on shall we? =)
Love,
Shahila Johan
It's Official, after almost a year of being in a relationship, it has finally came to an end. well yes, that means my heart has officially been broken. It's so painful that I am grateful that I still have feelings after all those numb-ness in my brain.
In 2 days (7th Sept), it's actually gonna be our 1st year being together minus the friendship bond we had. But I guess I won't know how it feels to be together with him for a year although I really wish I could.
I don't blame anyone in this broken relationship because I think both of us plays a big part on why this didn't work out although partly I still blame him for not telling me the real reason he wants to end it.
I guess i can't do anything about it. Although he'll still remain in my heart, I have to learn how to let go. sigh~ that's tough!
Life is beautiful, let's get a move on shall we? =)
Love,
Shahila Johan
Monday, August 2, 2010
HANTU!
the other day, I went for a shoot and it's for a movie.
In the shoot, I was Kicked, Slapped, Punched, Stepped on, Hair pulled, Spat on, Cried, Eat outside the house on the sand, Yelled at, Pushed, Raped, Laughed at, Commit Suicide, Became a Ghost, Haunted people and Kills them.
I HAD A BLAST!!!
As you can see, these are the type of things that I wanted to do for a long time and finally got the chance to do it and I'm so proud of it. Of course it wasn't easy at first but slowly with the help of everybody around there I eased myself and just simply follow the instructions.
The director that's directing this movie is so open minded and willing to take the risk of hiring some non-experience actor like myself to act in his movie and I salute him for that.
You see, if it wasn't for him, I don't think I'll be doing all this or even get the chance to be in a movie because some casting agency said that my face is not the commercial type that can sell it to the audience. Well I hope I can somehow prove them wrong by doing this.
ou well........
Love,
Shahila Johan
In the shoot, I was Kicked, Slapped, Punched, Stepped on, Hair pulled, Spat on, Cried, Eat outside the house on the sand, Yelled at, Pushed, Raped, Laughed at, Commit Suicide, Became a Ghost, Haunted people and Kills them.
I HAD A BLAST!!!
As you can see, these are the type of things that I wanted to do for a long time and finally got the chance to do it and I'm so proud of it. Of course it wasn't easy at first but slowly with the help of everybody around there I eased myself and just simply follow the instructions.
The director that's directing this movie is so open minded and willing to take the risk of hiring some non-experience actor like myself to act in his movie and I salute him for that.
You see, if it wasn't for him, I don't think I'll be doing all this or even get the chance to be in a movie because some casting agency said that my face is not the commercial type that can sell it to the audience. Well I hope I can somehow prove them wrong by doing this.
ou well........
Love,
Shahila Johan
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Gloomy...
sometimes you act before you could ever think because you were so mad and then the next day you wish none of it ever happen. But then you realize that nothing you can do to change what you did.
I have to say that I did it sometimes. I do regretted it but I found out that everything does happened for a reason. i heard a quote that says " tomorrow's a mystery, yesterday's a history but today is a gift, that's why they call it present!". yes, i got that now.
i won't know what's gonna happen in the future. I guess we just have to find out one of these days.
Love, Shahila Johan
I have to say that I did it sometimes. I do regretted it but I found out that everything does happened for a reason. i heard a quote that says " tomorrow's a mystery, yesterday's a history but today is a gift, that's why they call it present!". yes, i got that now.
i won't know what's gonna happen in the future. I guess we just have to find out one of these days.
Love, Shahila Johan
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Indian wedding ke?
Yesterday i attended an Indian Wedding... You see, when I was invited, the 1st thing came in my mind was alot of coloured rice and flowers decorations, coconut water splashing, even a fire pit in the middle like the one we always see in the movies and photos. and that's the wedding that I expected for it was my 1st time attending a real Indian wedding.
When I got there with my friends, i was surprised! No colourful flowers anywhere in the big hall; there's tables with numbers and the food was served chinese-style-round-tabled; name was written in english with they're hindi style; no coconut anywhere for me to get my hands on; and (yes!you've got it) no fire pit in the middle.
It was a formal Modern wedding like every other chinese and some malay's weddings I've been to, but they did put in some really awesome bangra songs that I can't stop moving my head to.
so here's my question. Do people nowadays really forget about their cultural heritage? I mean, I know that's not what they intended but somehow does the western really brought a big impact to us Malaysian?
(blank) I got no answer to that.
If I were Indian or to marry an Indian, I would want all that cultural stuff because to me it's important to remind me where i come from and the legacy that I bring to my culture.
So, if any Indians out there who's getting married the more cultural way, please invite me so I can experience it myself. Please? =P
love, Shahila Johan
When I got there with my friends, i was surprised! No colourful flowers anywhere in the big hall; there's tables with numbers and the food was served chinese-style-round-tabled; name was written in english with they're hindi style; no coconut anywhere for me to get my hands on; and (yes!you've got it) no fire pit in the middle.
It was a formal Modern wedding like every other chinese and some malay's weddings I've been to, but they did put in some really awesome bangra songs that I can't stop moving my head to.
so here's my question. Do people nowadays really forget about their cultural heritage? I mean, I know that's not what they intended but somehow does the western really brought a big impact to us Malaysian?
(blank) I got no answer to that.
If I were Indian or to marry an Indian, I would want all that cultural stuff because to me it's important to remind me where i come from and the legacy that I bring to my culture.
So, if any Indians out there who's getting married the more cultural way, please invite me so I can experience it myself. Please? =P
love, Shahila Johan
Friday, May 21, 2010
today's random playlist.
as some people may know, i'm a "Playlist" person. my world revolves around pure emotions that runs alot of my playlists which includes "reminice" and "dejavu"..... yes, it's random but i think playlist plays an important part of my life as it can sometimes help me overcome with my emotions.
1. Crazy love - UNC Clef Hanger's version with Anoop Desai as soloist
2. For good - from the musical "Wicked"
3. Stay the same - Joey McIntyre
4. My redeemer's lives - Nicole C. Mullen
5. Reaching out - Lea Salonga
6. On bended knees - Boyz II Men
7. Anytime - Brian McKnight
8. All in love is fair - Stevie Wonder
9. Fallin' - Lea Salonga's version
10. If only - from the musical "Disney's Little Mermaid"
11. Secret - One Republic
12. Battlefield - Jordin Sparks
13. live like we're dying - Lenka
14. Burn - Usher
15. If I in't got you - Alicia Keys
16. somewhere out there - Linda Rostadt and James Ingram
17. Gravity - Mia Palencia
18. True colours - Lea Salonga's version
19. Fix you - Coldplay
20. Runaway - The Corrs
this is the original playlist that I got for myself today in original order. my emotions can be change from time to times.
love, Shahila Johan
1. Crazy love - UNC Clef Hanger's version with Anoop Desai as soloist
2. For good - from the musical "Wicked"
3. Stay the same - Joey McIntyre
4. My redeemer's lives - Nicole C. Mullen
5. Reaching out - Lea Salonga
6. On bended knees - Boyz II Men
7. Anytime - Brian McKnight
8. All in love is fair - Stevie Wonder
9. Fallin' - Lea Salonga's version
10. If only - from the musical "Disney's Little Mermaid"
11. Secret - One Republic
12. Battlefield - Jordin Sparks
13. live like we're dying - Lenka
14. Burn - Usher
15. If I in't got you - Alicia Keys
16. somewhere out there - Linda Rostadt and James Ingram
17. Gravity - Mia Palencia
18. True colours - Lea Salonga's version
19. Fix you - Coldplay
20. Runaway - The Corrs
this is the original playlist that I got for myself today in original order. my emotions can be change from time to times.
love, Shahila Johan
Apakah!
A: don't they know how to NOT disturb other people's belonging? sendiri punya tak reti nak jaga, kacau pulak....
B: Life....
A: sigh~
B: Life....
A: sigh~
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Runaway Train...
you've heard about the stories where teenagers ranway from home and most of them caused by the broken home they live in. I don't blame them or the parents because we can't tell other people's feelings, we don't know what to expect.
my housebell rang at around midnight yesterday and thank goodness i was still awake at that time. of course i wouldn't dare to open the door to check who was outside at 1st, the heavy rain and loud noise doesn't help either, but i had the courage to open the door and wonder who's outside the house. There, stood a little girl, soaking wet in the rain asking for my sister. With no umbrella, she use her small bag as shelter from the rain. I quickly open the gate and scream to tell her to come in. the poor little girl was shivering when she in the house. with no change of clothes, I gave her a towel to wipe herself and my clothes for her to wear.
the little girl ask where was my sister whom is also her bestfriend from school and i have to tell her that my sister was in China for a trip and the girl was clueless on what to do next. i sat her down at the kitchen table and gave her some food and drink and directly ask her what was she doing coming here at midnight,n the rain, with no change of clothes, little money and no place to go.
the girl finally broke her silence and told me that she ranaway from home because she can't stand her dad and that she just have to get out of the house she's in. this girl just can't take the fact that her father being over-protected.
I think being a young teenager, you still wanna have some fun in life, but whether you like or not, you still have your parents to guide you through, no matter how hard they may treat you, they are still family! i guess she has more to learn about life.
for now, she is staying under one roof with me. with me, she got shelter and food but i can't provide her every needs because i got my own work to settle to. I really hope that I can convince her to make it up with her dad, i really hope i could change someone's life little by little. but for now, i'll just let her stay and rest so that she would trust me to help her.
love,
Shahila Johan
my housebell rang at around midnight yesterday and thank goodness i was still awake at that time. of course i wouldn't dare to open the door to check who was outside at 1st, the heavy rain and loud noise doesn't help either, but i had the courage to open the door and wonder who's outside the house. There, stood a little girl, soaking wet in the rain asking for my sister. With no umbrella, she use her small bag as shelter from the rain. I quickly open the gate and scream to tell her to come in. the poor little girl was shivering when she in the house. with no change of clothes, I gave her a towel to wipe herself and my clothes for her to wear.
the little girl ask where was my sister whom is also her bestfriend from school and i have to tell her that my sister was in China for a trip and the girl was clueless on what to do next. i sat her down at the kitchen table and gave her some food and drink and directly ask her what was she doing coming here at midnight,n the rain, with no change of clothes, little money and no place to go.
the girl finally broke her silence and told me that she ranaway from home because she can't stand her dad and that she just have to get out of the house she's in. this girl just can't take the fact that her father being over-protected.
I think being a young teenager, you still wanna have some fun in life, but whether you like or not, you still have your parents to guide you through, no matter how hard they may treat you, they are still family! i guess she has more to learn about life.
for now, she is staying under one roof with me. with me, she got shelter and food but i can't provide her every needs because i got my own work to settle to. I really hope that I can convince her to make it up with her dad, i really hope i could change someone's life little by little. but for now, i'll just let her stay and rest so that she would trust me to help her.
love,
Shahila Johan
Monday, January 4, 2010
end of another great year.....goodbye 2009!
with just another blink of an eye, another year just passed by...all my 23 years has taught me to hate,care and the most important one is still....LOVE....
i try to throw away all my negative habits slowly through the years and thank goodness it really opened my eyes so i can see all the goodness inside of everyone that i know. like they all say, everyone is special in their own ways right?so if everyone is special, aren't we all the same?
2009 has taught me a really great lessons especially in life. friends comes and goes... life can be a roller coaster ride... you won't always get what you want but if you try some times, you get what you need...
always feel positive to get the positive energy in you, never feel down, never make people feel bad, compliment others once in a while, never look down on yourself, don't complain all the time and never be afraid to speak out your mind. these are some of the lessons i've learn through out this year.
a new year has come for me to learn more lessons in life. i might fall some times, i even might be afraid but i know everything lessons are worth learn.
love,
Shahila Johan
i try to throw away all my negative habits slowly through the years and thank goodness it really opened my eyes so i can see all the goodness inside of everyone that i know. like they all say, everyone is special in their own ways right?so if everyone is special, aren't we all the same?
2009 has taught me a really great lessons especially in life. friends comes and goes... life can be a roller coaster ride... you won't always get what you want but if you try some times, you get what you need...
always feel positive to get the positive energy in you, never feel down, never make people feel bad, compliment others once in a while, never look down on yourself, don't complain all the time and never be afraid to speak out your mind. these are some of the lessons i've learn through out this year.
a new year has come for me to learn more lessons in life. i might fall some times, i even might be afraid but i know everything lessons are worth learn.
love,
Shahila Johan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
