Heaven side

I look at your photograph all the time,
I can honestly say you've been on my mind.
I know you've gone but I can still feel you here.
I gotta keep it strong before the pain turn into fear.

How do you find the words to say
When your heart don't have the heart to say?

Now this is my goodbye,
here comes the first of every tears I'm gonna cry.
Though I'll never see you again,
And it'll take some time to heal the pain.
But even though everything is different now,
You'll be in my heart somehow.
So here comes goodbye.

You deserve the chance at the kind of love,
But now we'll never know how life might take us.
I never dreamed you'd go your own sweet way,
Ain't it funny how time slips away?

How do you find the words to say
When your heart don't have the heart to say?

Now this is my goodbye,
here comes the first of every tears I'm gonna cry.
Though I'll never see you again,
And it'll take some time to heal the pain.
But even though everything is different now,
You'll be in my heart somehow.
So here comes goodbye.

My dreams suddenly seem so empty,
Your life was taken away before I know it.
I never ever thought the there would come a time,
It's hard to understand that our story would end.

If I listen to my heart I'll hear your laughter inside,
And I know you'll be fine on the heaven side.

Now this is my goodbye,
here comes the first of every tears I'm gonna cry.
Though I'll never see you again,
And it'll take some time to heal the pain.
But even though everything is different now,
You'll be in my heart somehow.
So here comes goodbye.

Love,
Shahila Johan

It was you

You said I was sent down from heaven,
that God has sent you and angel.
You said everybody's looking for that one thing,
and that you had found it in me.

But night after night I hear myself say,
How can this feeling just go away.
so I say...

It was you that made my eyes to cry.
It was you that made my heart to die.
It was you that made me break in pieces.
It was you that made me go all so senseless.
Cause it's you that had made me fall.
So it's you, you, you alone,
That made me write this song...for you.

You said my voice cradles you at night,
That you can never let me out of you're sight.
You said I'm pretty when I'm not wearing make up,
and that you'll die if we ever break up.

But night after night I hear myself say,
How can this feeling just go away?
But once again all you're thinking about,
is taking the easy way out.
So i say,

It was you that made my eyes to cry.
It was you that made my heart to die.
It was you that made me break in pieces.
It was you that made me go all so senseless.
Cause it's you that had made me fall.
So it's you, you, you alone,
That made me write this song...for you.

True lovers don't take it slowly,
When you've found the one and only.
Taking from a known sad story,
It's painted with pain and glory...
So I say,

It was you that made my eyes to cry.
It was you that made my heart to die.
It was you that made me break in pieces.
It was you that made me go all so senseless.
Cause it's you that had made me fall.
So it's you, you, you alone,
That made me write this song...for you.

But once again all you're thinking about,
is taking the easy way out.

love,
Shahila Johan

the break up song.

I've been running in your direction for too long now,
and I've lost my own reflection.
I just can't see how,
Why don't you catch me when I fall......anymore.

I know now if I play fire I get burned,
but it also can be warm.
You somehow promised that you will learn,
now I know all your emotions are just words.

I'm the flower in the smallest garden,
reaching for the light,
and you are the candle that's in the dark,
conquering my night.
Who's to blame,
If we can't hear our own voices......anymore.

things maybe different when we walk our path,
but I have to go.
we may struggle with our own task,
but I will take it slow.
when this is over,
there won't be no second chance.

If this is the moment,
that we will say goodbye.
If this is the moment,
i stand here all alone.
if this is the moment,
for the rest of my life.
If this is the moment,
that somehow leads me home.
I know you won't ever break my heart again.

the pain will ease if I can learn.
that the heart may freeze or it can burn.
I might crash buy I still believe.
Because from you, I won't be deceived.

So I'm letting you go and I'm turning around,
and I'm not gonna wait for you to come back now.

cheers
Shahila Johan

My Raya Post.

So basically, my entry is a week late.

Raya is the time where I actually look forward to because of the food and family gatherings...and maybe those open houses that we just have to go.

This year was a bit different because I can't really feel it in my heart just yet. I was actually looking forward for the holiday I'm going to in the 4th day of Raya.

Even posting up a post is taking forever for me because my mind is still on holiday.

This is the time where everyone got to buy bloody expensive new baju Kurung/Kebaya/Melayu and got to showcase it to everyone. This year, my family somehow choose the colour white. I got mine at the very last minute, a day before raya and it's the most comfortable thing ever because it's huge, so I don't have to think about what I can or cannot eat later. and since I'm gonna where it the whole day, might as well pick the most comfortable one right? no jeweleries, no fancy styles, just plain of modern baju kurung kedah.....i think.. =P

I know this is the time where everyone would be salam-salaman and bermaaf-maafan and all, so right here.... I just wanna say....I forgive you all....HAHA!!!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin from my family and I!Cheers!
Shahila Johan

Done!

I'm sorry if there's any wrong spelling I might write later because as I'm writing, my eyes are filled with tears.

It's Official, after almost a year of being in a relationship, it has finally came to an end. well yes, that means my heart has officially been broken. It's so painful that I am grateful that I still have feelings after all those numb-ness in my brain.

In 2 days (7th Sept), it's actually gonna be our 1st year being together minus the friendship bond we had. But I guess I won't know how it feels to be together with him for a year although I really wish I could.

I don't blame anyone in this broken relationship because I think both of us plays a big part on why this didn't work out although partly I still blame him for not telling me the real reason he wants to end it.

I guess i can't do anything about it. Although he'll still remain in my heart, I have to learn how to let go. sigh~ that's tough!

Life is beautiful, let's get a move on shall we? =)

Love,
Shahila Johan

HANTU!

the other day, I went for a shoot and it's for a movie.
In the shoot, I was Kicked, Slapped, Punched, Stepped on, Hair pulled, Spat on, Cried, Eat outside the house on the sand, Yelled at, Pushed, Raped, Laughed at, Commit Suicide, Became a Ghost, Haunted people and Kills them.
I HAD A BLAST!!!

As you can see, these are the type of things that I wanted to do for a long time and finally got the chance to do it and I'm so proud of it. Of course it wasn't easy at first but slowly with the help of everybody around there I eased myself and just simply follow the instructions.

The director that's directing this movie is so open minded and willing to take the risk of hiring some non-experience actor like myself to act in his movie and I salute him for that.
You see, if it wasn't for him, I don't think I'll be doing all this or even get the chance to be in a movie because some casting agency said that my face is not the commercial type that can sell it to the audience. Well I hope I can somehow prove them wrong by doing this.

ou well........

Love,
Shahila Johan

Gloomy...

sometimes you act before you could ever think because you were so mad and then the next day you wish none of it ever happen. But then you realize that nothing you can do to change what you did.

I have to say that I did it sometimes. I do regretted it but I found out that everything does happened for a reason. i heard a quote that says " tomorrow's a mystery, yesterday's a history but today is a gift, that's why they call it present!". yes, i got that now.

i won't know what's gonna happen in the future. I guess we just have to find out one of these days.

Love, Shahila Johan