circle of rumours.. :D

ok.....i know that no one can run away from rumours...and let's face it, everywhere you go, there's always rumours... either it's about you or maybe your family or even your close friends... and most of the times, you think that if you don't react to it, it'll go away and stop bothering you anymore... but the fact is, if you somehow defend yourself, others would think that you're afraid because you would jeopardise your life and all but then again, if you don't defend yourself, people would think that those rumours are true and you can never do anything about it anymore.

recently i over heard rumours about everyone that's involves in this production i'm currently in right now...on who's dating whom, who has a crush on whom and all those cute little stuff....most of them are kids so i thought that, it's ok because they're still young and they got so much to learn...and because i'm still fresh with this production, i know i have a lot of catching up to do..... but then a moment ago, i found out that somebody has been spreading rumours about me as well......well duh...of course i was shocked.. i mean, i'm still new with them and my name is already being called out in this 'circle of rumours'.... i was actually pleased at first because they would actually noticed me to talk about me and spread a rumour but then when i heard it myself, it became uncomfortable just because i know i definately didn't do what they've been telling everyone about me, but then again, i have to face it.... that's the life of an entertainer...

the rumours that was spread was actually an old news that i didn't noticed that anyone would actually started it... it's so weird because i know and believe in myself that i wouldn't do such things and i always think before my actions... so odviously i won't go out with anyone until i know that i'm actually know him long enough or comfortable with that person...and also because of that, the person that thought i went out with another person, quit the production i am with because he said that he can't work with me in this production.(sounds familiar?)... (somehow i think it has something to do with me being single right now)..so when someone said that i went out with this person and then at the same time went out with another person, i think it's rather bogus and ridiculously funny... unfortunately, i felt like i'm a whore to do such a thing. i know i shouldn't think of it that way, but i do. i felt that i'm so filthy and cheap, like i don't have my own dignity to stand out for. when i heard it, i just wanted to sit at a corner of some place and just cry my eyes out but i didn't, i don't wanna show my weakness to anyone because if i did, they would know that i'm weak and they would add more to the damaged that was caused. so instead of crying my lungs out or anything, i acted like it's a funny joke/story that was told and laugh it all off... it was painful to begin with but i just had to do it to save my dignity from being torn apart to a million pieces and i think because of that, i would have to be more caution on what's my next move is gonna be... do i go and set things straight like most artist do when they are in this tight situation or just lie back and just pray that this rumour would go away? either way, i don't think that any of my reaction gonna make this rumours go away unless i talk to the person who might or might not set out the rumours. because other people would hear it in a different version of the story, so i just need to find the source that publish the story so i can move on with my life. what ever my next move it, i gotta think carefully not to jeopardise anymore of my life. i know that this things won't go away but i know that somehow, i can be set out straight. well.... somehow...
-_-'''

i guess this is the way to show us how hard it is when you're in show bizz....lots of gossiping going around and that what makes the industry more entertaining...

but to think in a positive way, i'm glad that there's a rumour about me going around, it's just that because of it, i feel like i'm a somebody, not that i'm proud of it, it's just that i'm touched that 'somebody' would use me as a subject to talk about just to amuse others. in a way.... i think that i'm quite famous! :P well...you have to think that way or you would be stress all the time.... like i said it before...i'm gonna say it once again..or in other posts to come.... 'there's always a reason behind all this funny things that happened, it just takes time for it to show itself'.... so i just say.... away with all those bad feelings and let's pull in the good energy and just...move on with my life!yay! love will lead me the right path of my destiny... :P

cheers
Shahila Johan
<3