feelings

feeling, what is it with it? i mean, i'm just trying to go o with my life and stop thinking about all this relationships and my sadness of my BESTfriend's death and suddenly so many people starts talking about it all over again and somehow i think i drawn to it as well. i know i shouldn't, but i'm a human being too, i have feelings, i want a person that can show me love, respect me as a woman and show me the real meaning of love. i had that before, i have to say, i was loved, bymy family, friends, my bestfriend (RIP), and that special some one... i had it all, i feel, i felt but now i wanna be numb... i mean...i don't feel like feeling anything at the moment.... it's not that i don't wanna feel anything mind u, it's just that i don't wanna feel the pain that i'm going through, i know everyone will agree with me on that, but then again, who are we to complaint huh?

since we can't complaint, i guess it's best that we make it positive...somehow.... i mean, i have the pain feeling but i got people that's always there for me and i'm really thankful for that... but somehow, i miss my dear bestfriend. i still can't believe that's he's gone, i know, i did try to forget about him but somehow, when my friends talking about their bestfriends, it makes me miss him more and i always cope it in my heart, i feel like crying, i just wanna stop thinking about him, but i can't. i love him too much to let him go while i'm stuck here moping alone. this love that i have for him is more than a bestfriend-family-friends kindda love, but it's more of a would-die-for, winning-the-world-cup, over-the-moon kindda love. the love that can't be found anywhere else, it' true that i would die for him, i would do anything to make him happy. the real love that i don't think i have for my ex-boyfriends. this is much too strong. and i'm afraid because of this, i might not love my future 'soulmate' like i love him.

of coz i don't want that, i wanna feel the love that i had for him, the love that i would make him cherish and i will make him the happiest man alive, i may not be the perfect person thats gonna fulfill every requirement but i know that i have to always respect and love my future 'soulmate' like i've never had. since i've only had 2 boyfriends before this, so i promise myself that on this 3rd one, i shall promise to myself that i will give my all to him and that i will be the best soulmate for him as well.

i don't know if it's gonna be soon or later that i'm gonna go back into this relationship thing, but then again, if that special someone just walk up to me and make me the happiest person in this world, i will cherish it with all my heart like what i've did to everyone that i've ever loved!

Half the world is sleeping,
Half the world's awake
Half can hear their hearts beat
Half just hear them break

I am but a traveler, in most every way
Ask me what you want...to know

What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way

When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been.

I have been to sorrow
I have been to bliss
Where I'll be tomorrow,
I can only guess

Through the darkest desert
Through the deepest snow,
Forward always forward, I go..

What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way

When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been...

Forward, always forward...
Onward, always up...
Catching every drop of hope
In my empty cup

What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
And they're bound to guide my way

When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
What a journey it has been.

Cheers
Shahila Johan
<3